"Will I" [poetry]

Will thoughts of you always haunt me? Will they always chase me about my mind, 'til I, give up and allow them to overtake me? With each time I close my eyes, will I, always see your face and remember our dates and rendevouz, with each place, I go to? How many relationships must I go through?
Ended by my inability to commit, and by my heart just not being 'in it'"... But how can I give them something not within my possession? Relationships ended by my confession, of still... loving... you... Will I always think of our water games or our times by the fireplace when we'd become hotter than flames... Limbs entangled, moaning each other's names as we... came and came... Will I always have to fake that I came, cuz his lovin' ain't the same, but he ain't to blame. My body just still wants you... Will I always feel a certain way when I see you? And will my heart always lurch and drop down to my feet when I see you with her, and think, "It should be me"... Will I always regret "setting you free", even though I know it was was best for me, cuz you sho' wasn't what I need. You couldn't commit and I couldn't cheat... But if its best, then why do I feel so incomplete? Will I always compare your love to his and think how you loved me better than anyone ever did... Will I always relive, our moments at the worst possible moments? Will I always think of you while I'm with him? Will I always long for your arms while wrapped within his? Will I always kiss him too passionately hoping to drown out thoughts of your lips... And how you taste so much sweeter... Shall I, will I always hug him too tightly, hoping to block out my love for you and smother out left over emotion? Shall I always lie awake, worrying that if he feels the emptiness... Shall I always try too hard and smile too sweet, to hide that my love for you still runs deep? Will I always snap at him and push him away... Then regret it as I see the hurt on his face, because he doesn't understand what it is he did wrong... But he's willing to change... Because he doesn't want me to leave... You see, he does all within his power to please me... But the one thing he can never do... Is be you...